Épice
by spidersrorg
Summary: Kaneki didn't know how to judge ghouls, really. He didn't know how to judge ghouls, but he could tell that even by ghoul standards Tsukiyama Shuu was an odd one. Slight AU in which Kaneki never goes with Yomo to meet Itori, and therefore doesn't know about the ghoul restaurant. Written for tumblr user Kanekuinke for the Valentine's Day exchange!


Kaneki didn't know how to judge ghouls, really. They were all strange. If he were to look from his human viewpoint, he would have viewed them all as monsters- but he was one himself now. Yet, in the shallow recesses of his mind, those feelings still plagued him as strongly as they had when he had first learned what it was that he had become. When he looked at Touka or the manager he didn't see monsters, but every time his stomach growled…

He didn't know how to judge ghouls, but he could tell that even by ghoul standards Tsukiyama Shuu was an odd one.

When he'd showed up at Kaneki's campus he was more than alarmed- even though when he had met Tsukiyama the "tall, dark, and handsome" cliche of romance novels had come to mind. Touka had warned him about how the avant-garde man was someone dangerous to be involved with. (That had only played into the image Kaneki had bouncing around his skull, but he would listen to anything she had to say in regards to ghoul matters. Ghouls were dangerous, and if he got in above his head-)

But Tsukiyama had seemed genuine enough in their chance meeting. They had similar interests, and Kaneki probably needed some ghoul friends...he couldn't stay a recluse forever. He only ever interacted with the people from Anteiku. He really didn't trust himself to be close to humans anymore; every time he ran into Hide he felt a surge of guilt.

After their encounter he left campus to go to Anteiku in a bit of a daze, nervous at the idea of meeting up with Tsukiyama later that week. Was it supposed to be a date, or was Tsukiyama simply trying to be friendly? He'd insisted so surely that they meet, setting the date and time without even asking Kaneki's schedule… Maybe he was just as nervous, just better at not letting it show? He seemed rather suave...

A single grey cloud in the sky reminded him that he'd forgotten to bring in the laundry he'd hung out to dry, and he wondered if he should run home to take it in before it rained- and then he remembered the shop was closed that day. How silly of him, he didn't need to go to work.

He turned around to go home and take down that laundry. It wasn't like he had anything to get out of going to the shop; no one would have been there. Yomo might have been, since he sometimes used the off days to do Anteiku's more ghoulish business. He didn't have any business with Yomo, though. That would have been pointless.

The days after that, leading up to their meeting, went by without anything of note. Yomo came by Anteiku one day and mentioned something to Kaneki about someone wanting to meet him, but Kaneki declined the offer as it would have conflicted with plans with another certain ghoul he had to meet.

But as much as he had fretted over the date, it had gone by without much incidence.

After Kaneki's last date, this was a very welcome turn of events.

It was laid-back, and he really wondered why Touka would have anything so rude to say about Tsukiyama. Nothing she had warned him about matched up with the man he'd spent the day with. Sure, maybe a few things he'd said had been a little rude, but nothing that warranted the sort of guard that Touka wanted him to have around the allegedly infamous Gourmet.

"Didn't this stir up the appetite, Kaneki-kun?" Tsukiyama asked, as they were walking away from the coffee shop they had dropped in on.

The sun was already setting as they walked away, and had Kaneki still been human he would have agreed that it was time for dinner. Now, though, the thought of having a full belly twisted his stomach in a way that was more painful than the pangs of his hunger.

"There's a restaurant near here that has quite the dinner menu for 'us'."

Kaneki let out a strained hum in response to that. That didn't sit well with him. He tried to place why- whether it was because of his own reservations about food or because of the fact that there was a restaurant out there that was serving human flesh. He only hoped that its only patrons were ghouls.

"Those sugarcubes that Yoshimura-san gaves me, they're, ah, surprisingly filling," Kaneki replied, hoping Tsukiyama couldn't tell that he was lying through his teeth and praying that his stomach wouldn't take that moment to grumble and give him away.

Tsukiyama let out a tiny little scoff, "Really, Kaneki-kun, you shouldn't rely on such unrefined things." He ceased his steps, and set his hand on Kaneki's shoulder to halt him as well. He looked straight into Kaneki's eyes and his expression, Kaneki felt, was too serious for a simple conversation about dinner. "You're no pig, you don't need to be eating table scraps of nameless offal like certain other ghouls. No, you should only be partaking in the finest foods, le crème de la crème, if you will."

Kaneki shrugged away and took a couple of steps back, uncomfortable. He looked up at Tsukiyama and saw that his intense gaze hadn't left him.

He swallowed. "Maybe some other time…"

The leer on Tsukiyama's face dropped and curled into smile, one that would have been charming had he not just been glaring at Kaneki. He took a step and closed the gap between them. Was this, maybe, the person he'd been warned about?

Kaneki may have jumped a little when Tsukiyama clapped his hands.

"Merveilleux! Let's have dinner together a few days from now. Hm, Kaneki-kun?"

"A-Ah, well, I have to study after work, and…" Kaneki stuttered out quickly. He hoped that didn't seem like the thinly-veiled excuse to avoid food that it was. He didn't want to deter Tsukiyama, since they got along on all matters but food, but he also didn't want to be straightforward in his rejection about the restaurant. Not after seeing how serious Tsukiyama was about his culinary interests.

Tsukiyama set a hand on Kaneki's shoulder and wasted no time in draping it across the back of his neck, tugging him as an indication to continue walking. "Then, as we're both students, let's study together, non?"

"Aren't you in your final year? We have completely different classes..."

"I'm more apt to help you," he replied, the cheer in his voice giving no indication of how agitated he had been only moments before. "Or perhaps we should both wallow in the misery of studying, just together?"

"I guess…?"

The satisfied smile on Tsukiyama's face held the for the rest of the evening until he'd dropped Kaneki off at the station and they'd set the date.

That smile was still there when Kaneki opened the door to let Tsukiyama into his apartment, days later when they had agreed to study together. Kaneki knew he couldn't have been holding that expression the whole while, but… He pushed aside the eerie feeling as he let Tsukiyama in.

Kaneki watched, nervous, as Tsukiyama scanned the room- and as he stopped abruptly when a voice called out from the kitchen.

"Oi, Kaneki, your milk is...cheese."

Tsukiyama's eyes narrowed for a moment and the smile seemed to fade before it curled back up on his lips, "Pardons, I didn't know you had someone over. Am I perhaps too early, Kaneki-kun?"

"Oh, my friend- he's going to be leaving for his evening class soon, it's alright…"

Hide had insisted on coming over to cram for an exam he was going to take that evening, even though it was a subject that he didn't struggle with in the slightest. Kaneki had a sneaking suspicion that Hide had stuck around to get a glimpse of Tsukiyama; after Kaneki had brought up their date Hide had wanted every little detail as if it were some sort of television drama.

Kaneki led Tsukiyama to the kitchen, hyper-aware of how Tsukiyama was analyzing his apartment, suddenly feeling a tad insecure. Tsukiyama took a seat at the table, the furthest chair from where Hide had taken up the surface with a spread of science notes and Oreo crumbs.

Hide stood next to the fridge, his nose turned up at a carton of milk Kaneki didn't even know he had. "Really, Kaneki, you shouldn't keep things you aren't going to eat...it's not good for you," he said, letting out a short sigh as he dropped the carton in the trash. He then looked to Tsukiyama, grinning. "Yo. Hide."

Tsukiyama looked taken aback, as if he hadn't expected for Hide to acknowledge his presence. "Tsukiyama Shuu."

Hide sauntered back over to the table and unceremoniously shoved his notes into the bag he had sitting on the floor, cookie crumbs and all. He turned to Kaneki and winked. "I guess I'm out, then. Mind showing me the door?"

Kaneki scratched the back of his neck. "So soon? Okay."

They walked to the door and Hide stopped at the doorway.

"Dude, how do you keep getting with these people out of your league? The commonfolk need your notes."

"Wh-what? Is that the reason you came over…?"

Hide winked and gave a mischievous chuckle. "Wait, one sec, I've got something…"

He shoved his hand into his bag and fumbled around for a moment before shoving a handful of packets into Kaneki's hand.

Kaneki looked down and saw that he had just been given a handful of condoms.

He didn't know how to process this, vaguely registering the heat that shot to his face.

"Wh-wh-wh-why did you give me- take this back- why do you even have these-"

Hide sighed and planted his hands on Kaneki's shoulders, shaking his head. "Kaneki, Kaneki, Kaneki. A man gets wishful sometimes. But you, you have a chance. Live on, Kaneki. Live on."

With the end of his speech, Hide spun around on one foot and walked out the door, leaving Kaneki red-faced and embarrassed beyond belief.

Kaneki quickly hid the packets before he returned to Tsukiyama in the kitchen.

"Welcome back, mon petit chou," Tsukiyama greeted. Kaneki hoped the red in his face had drained away, but there was something smug in Tsukiyama's expression that warned him that it might not have.

"Sorry about that," Kaneki replied as he took a seat at the table. "I thought Hide would be staying a while…"

Tsukiyama had already settled down and taken out the materials he needed, and was typing away on some laptop that looked unnecessarily expensive. He tutted. "Well, if your human friend won't be joining us… I brought some things to make a light snack for us, to keep our stomachs from interfering with our studies."

"I...that sounds nice, thank you."

If Tsukiyama had brought the things already, Kaneki felt that it would be rude to refuse. If that meant Tsukiyama hadn't eaten, it'd be even more so to not allow him to have what could be his dinner. Kaneki didn't want any, but maybe Tsukiyama wouldn't notice if he didn't touch the food. Maybe he would eat it all on his own?

Tsukiyama stood from his seat, picking up his bag. "May I use your oven?"

Kaneki simply nodded and Tsukiyama went on to prepare whatever it was that he intended to make. Kaneki was glad as soon as he heard a plastic bag open that his seated position kept him from seeing what Tsukiyama was doing.

He didn't dare look over. The smell of meat hit his nose and he could feel his mouth start to water. His stomach growled and he could only hope that Tsukiyama didn't hear. If he did, he probably wouldn't leave Kaneki alone, insist that he eat…

Kaneki stood and walked past Tsukiyama, averting his eyes from the wretched meat on the counter, to pour himself a cup of the old coffee that had been sitting in the pot since that morning. He dropped an entire handful of his sugar cubes in before he returned to his seat at the table.

It was disgusting. The old coffee, the grit of the half-dissolved cubes, the thought of what was in his kitchen, the way his stomach was growling in response to it.

He downed the rest of his drink in a single swig. It helped a little, he supposed, but it wasn't enough. Not with the scent filling the room around him. He buried his face in his notes, trying to will the scent of raw meat away with the notes he'd taken on some dead men's philosophies.

After a little while, the smell died down. Tsukiyama came to sit at the table again, taking the place behind his computer.

"It's in the oven now, it'll only be a short while."

The relief he'd been feeling dissolved into a great dread. That only meant the smell of cooked meat would be filling the room soon-

Maybe, just maybe, the smell would be repulsive? Maybe cooked food wouldn't smell as savory as raw flesh, maybe he wouldn't have to worry…

No. Of course it would smell as good. Why else would Tsukiyama be cooking it?

"Are you feeling well, Kaneki-kun?"

Kaneki stuttered. He looked up at Tsukiyama, then back down at his papers. "I-I… yes."

He'd hoped that his feelings wouldn't show on his face, but evidently they had. There was really no way to hide them, what with the intensity of his hunger. When was the last time he had eaten solid food? He couldn't remember.

On top of that he felt sick, thinking of how there was someone in his oven.

Tsukiyama hummed, apparently not wanting to pry, returning to his work. For that, Kaneki was grateful. He had the slightest hint of worry on his face, though, and for that he felt guilty. He wished Tsukiyama hadn't brought food into the equation.

As time drew on, the smell of roasting meat started to replace the scent of blood in the room.

Tsukiyama occasionally tried to make small talk, but Kaneki couldn't bring himself to make any more than a curt response. The smell was too much for him, he couldn't focus on his papers, he was angry and hungry and disgusted that he found the smell delicious.

"Kaneki-kun. As an avid reader, do you suppose you could give me your view on my notes here?"

"Sure!" Kaneki replied quickly, almost as a sort of defense- once he'd processed that Tsukiyama's words weren't something to do with how he was acting, he'd do anything to keep them from following that path.

Tsukiyama got up and walked around the table to Kaneki, slinging an arm over his shoulder and handing him a few sheets of handwritten notes.

Kaneki took a glance at them, and what stood out immediately was the meticulously neat lettering on the page. Every letter looked just about identical, each character lined up straight with a sort of fancy flair added to it that would have been elegant had they not looked alike. If Kaneki hadn't heard his pen scribbling away, he would have assumed the pages were typed.

His blood went cold. He'd read something about that before, a book about how handwriting analysis was used in forensics. As a mystery fan, that had been interesting for him. Something that serial killers all seemed to share was incredibly meticulous handwriting. The notes in his hand were…

That was right. They were ghouls.

It dawned on him again, a realization he tried his hardest to forget but always came back to haunt him.

His stomach turned but his mouth watered from the smell of the meat in the oven. He could feel his eyes start to tear up. Who was it that was in his oven? Given that he was the Gourmet, the meat probably hadn't come from a source like Anteiku where it was...ethically procured. Someone had probably been killed, or lost some body part, and Kaneki didn't know which was worse.

And for what? So Tsukiyama could show off his cooking? Someone was dead, for the sake of a study date? For the sake of him?

Tsukiyama's breath tickled his ear and Kaneki shivered. Had he gotten closer?

It would probably be worse to know where the meat had come from. Tsukiyama, being a ghoul his whole life, didn't have the same morals as him...that much was obvious. He'd seen even Touka kill a man before, so Tsukiyama-

Maybe he would change.

He shifted, uncomfortable, and Tsukiyama's nose brushed against the side of his head, another breath rustling his hair.

A warm feeling settled in his stomach, a flutter that felt just wrong being intermingled with his hunger and the disgust at his hunger and if he had to feel anything else he was certain he'd lose whatever small amount of food he'd eaten.

The arm around his shoulder pulled him closer and Tsukiyama nuzzled his face into Kaneki's hair, deep and even breaths sending tingles down his spine and blood shooting to his face. Kaneki had thought that Tsukiyama was simply looking over his shoulder at his own notes, but evidently not… Kaneki found himself relaxing a bit.

Tsukiyama turned slightly and Kaneki thought he felt a kiss against his ear. His hand traced up to where his lips had been and pulled on the string holding Kaneki's eyepatch, tugging it loose from his face.

"How do you read like that?" Tsukiyama muttered against Kaneki's skin before taking a deep breath.

"I...get used to it, I guess?" he let out a nervous laugh.

"Hmm." Tsukiyama pulled away and loosened the grip on Kaneki's shoulder. "What do you think of what I wrote?"

He hadn't really gotten a chance to read it, with how Tsukiyama was making him more than a tad flustered taking up half of his mind and the scent wafting from the oven controlling every other thought process he had.

"It's...good."

"'Good'? Hm, I thought you'd have something more interesting to say…"

Tsukiyama took the notes back from Kaneki's hand and returned to his seat.

A timer went off after what felt like ages, long torturous ages, and Tsukiyama stood from his seat. Kaneki hunched over his papers as Tsukiyama walked passed him as if it were some sort of defense. He was embarrassed, too, that he couldn't hold himself together when someone was there and on top of that it had to be Tsukiyama, on what he'd perceived to be a study date.

A hand fell on his shoulder and Kaneki jumped a little.

"We have to wait for it to cool, mon mignon," a soft voice came from behind him. The fingers on Kaneki's shoulders began to move in slow circles and Kaneki found himself leaning into them. "You seem so hungry. You'll enjoy this, I'm certain. Please, relax."

He found himself relaxing a little into the touch, the unease in his stomach settling into a simpler pang rather than a slurry of disgust and hunger. A quiet grumble came from it and Tsukiyama's hand pulled away.

"Un moment s'il vous plais."

Kaneki stared ahead as the source of the smell filling the room came closer, and then was placed on the table before him. He refused to look, but…

The hand on his shoulder returned, pressing fingers into his skin in a relaxing pattern. He felt a warmth go to his cheeks despite the pain in his stomach. He sighed, trying to relax a bit, letting his eyes flutter shut.

"'Ahh', Kaneki-kun."

Kaneki felt something press against his lips, and without thinking, opened his mouth. The flavor of it hit his tongue and he wasted no time in scarfing the piece down. He grabbed Tsukiyama's wrist and took the finger that fed him into his mouth, licking off the traces of sauce left behind on his hand.

It took a moment to dawn on him what it was that he had just done, and Kaneki's face flushed completely red. He dropped Tsukiyama's hand.

He stole a quick glance at Tsukiyama. The Gourmet had a pleased smile on his lips, and between them was the finger that had just been in Kaneki's mouth- Kaneki looked away again, clenching his eyes shut.

"Miniature Wellingtons. I see you like them, Kaneki-kun. Though, I do wish you'd taken more consideration for their flavor…"

Kaneki swallowed air.

The hand on his shoulder had never left, but at some point had stopped its circles. It decided to pick up again as Tsukiyama began speaking.

"Food prepared like this is more appealing to you, isn't it, Kaneki-kun? Really, you should consider coming to the restaurant with me-"

Kaneki looked up at him and both Tsukiyama's hand and his words stopped abruptly.

A disturbing smile crept up his lips before fading back into one that was charming.

Tsukiyama brushed his fingertips under Kaneki's eye and he hummed.

"What an unexpected spice."

Kaneki moved to look away but Tsukiyama's hand cupped his jaw and stopped him. His kakugan must have shown itself, a result of the taste of blood in his mouth. Tsukiyama brought his other hand to trace the lines leading to his eye.

Tsukiyama leaned forward and Kaneki closed his eyes out of reflex, but felt the brush of Tsukiyama's lips against his.

Kaneki froze. All of his other feelings seemed to fade into the background, the pounding in his chest clouding up his mind. He hadn't been expecting this, not at all, but it was more than welcome-

It ended too soon, was too fast, and Kaneki opened his eyes and leaned toward Tsukiyama, chasing him, but was met with fingers pressing one of the tiny morsels of food against his lips.

Tsukiyama smiled.

"I'm keeping you for myself."


End file.
